breaking

Los Angeles- Edward Villareal (35) made news some weeks back when he was unable to control his bodily functions while on a rollercoaster. He splashed a dozen people riding the rollercoaster with diarrhea that day. Edward was beyond embarrassed at the time of the accident and promptly went home to […]

Oxnard, CA- Marylouise McGraw(51) single handedly blew up a Walmart Superstore Saturday night when she foolishly lit a cigarette while mixing chemicals for her homemade batch of methamphetamines. Marlylouise worked at the Oxnard location of Walmart for 3 months before she began cooking meth in the camping and sporting goods […]

Lester Manson (78), is locked up in a secure federal facility at an unknown location for his protection. Recently Lester broke his silence on his infamous cousin, Charles Manson. “What people don’t know is how Charlie funded the ‘family’. Once a month funds would be deposited in a bank account […]

Heathcliff Merrygold, better know as Heath, died earlier today from severe damage to his internal organs caused by the insertion of a garden hose in his anus and having it turned on full blast. Quickly his body bloated and the sight shocked his friends. One turned off the water but […]

Anaconda, MT- Felix Clemmings passed away at the age of 78 in his sleep. Felix had a large and gregarious family. Due to the small selection of companions, some of the younger generations have chosen to co-mingle with one-another. Specifically Ben and Lilly Clemmings. Clemmings’ funeral was a grand affair, […]

Brian Warner AKA “Marilyn Manson”, has gone through the sexual reassignment process provided by Johns Hopkins University. “For many years I’ve tried to be edgy. 20 years ago it was the removal of my rib that got me so much attention. Not only that, but it provided for many fun […]

Butte, MT- Alex Cartwright (23) of Butte, went to impress his girlfriend by taking her to the levy and hopefully get to second base. Alex expected his levy dry and his woman wet. Instead They were swept away by a rogue wave and thrust deep into the levy. His Ol’ […]

Thomasville Georgia- On Friday city officials voted in a ban on caffeine that would make the drug illegal to purchase or publicly consume on Sundays. Mayor Hubert Lacroix call the new law “a step in the right direction. As mayor I want us to move backwards to simpler times”. Good […]