breaking

Anaconda, MT- Felix Clemmings passed away at the age of 78 in his sleep. Felix had a large and gregarious family. Due to the small selection of companions, some of the younger generations have chosen to co-mingle with one-another. Specifically Ben and Lilly Clemmings. Clemmings’ funeral was a grand affair, […]

Brian Warner AKA “Marilyn Manson”, has gone through the sexual reassignment process provided by Johns Hopkins University. “For many years I’ve tried to be edgy. 20 years ago it was the removal of my rib that got me so much attention. Not only that, but it provided for many fun […]

Disneyland, CA- Walt Disney was frozen in a cryogenic tank shortly after he died in the hopes that science would one day be able to reanimate his frozen body after a cure for his ailments were found. The time to test that theory has come. This coming December, to mark […]

Butte, MT- Alex Cartwright (23) of Butte, went to impress his girlfriend by taking her to the levy and hopefully get to second base. Alex expected his levy dry and his woman wet. Instead They were swept away by a rogue wave and thrust deep into the levy. His Ol’ […]

Thomasville Georgia- On Friday city officials voted in a ban on caffeine that would make the drug illegal to purchase or publicly consume on Sundays. Mayor Hubert Lacroix call the new law “a step in the right direction. As mayor I want us to move backwards to simpler times”. Good […]

Travis Detwiler (33) of Abilene Texas, had been on the run from the police for 2 weeks. Detwiler was wanted in connection with the theft of 33 car wheels from 33 different cars. His crimes tormented many an unsuspecting folk. Travis was always a good lookout because he could hear […]

Camarillo, CA- Dexter Matthews (57), is tired of having to spend 100’s of dollars a month on water. “It’s just water. Why is it so damn expensive to flush your shit?”. He figured out a way to save a couple bucks by having his family use a litter box to […]

Canada- Chad Kroeger of Nickelback fame has finally come out and said what we all have known right from the start. That his music is trash. Nickelback swooped into pop culture on the back of one song. They should have been a one-hit wonder, right up there with Chumbawamba. Over […]