“I yanked as hard as I could. I yanked until I ripped his cheating balls off!” Los Angeles, California- Jessica Smith was brought into custody after a man arrived at a hospital without his balls named her as the culprit. Shocked emergency room workers worked hard to stop the bleeding. […]
Washington, DC- Kurt Fellows (67), is being held by the Secret Service at an undisclosed location after a shipment containing close to 1000 previously used sex toys (dildos) arrived at the Whitehouse on Valentine’s day addressed to President Biden. The letter attached to the shipment said, “Happy Valentine’s Day Sleepy […]
Brisbane Australia- Mark William (53), has been making the rounds on local news stations after the boomerang he threw 3 weeks prior, actually returned and whacked him directly onto his head. Statisticians claim the odds of a rogue boomerang re-gaining its flight path and returning are 1 in 1.5 Trillion. […]
Malibu, CA- Richard Northrop (57), is sitting in Los Angeles County Jail today after being picked up on suspicions of being involved in his ex-wife, Penny’s tragic death. Police began to suspect Richard after initial crash reports and statistical data downloaded from Penny’s Tesla, indicated some unusual activity. Data suggested […]
Newbury Park, CA- Louis Bennighan (23) has won a massive civil suit against his former employer, Pacific Coast Mutual Credit Union (PCMCU). 10 million dollars has been awarded to Mr. Bennighan after a short weeks long civil trail. Louis filed the civil suit shortly after he was unjustly fired for […]
Phoenix, AZ- Matthew Cleveland (23), was spotted leaving a popular club store carting out 72 cases of Mt. Dew that he did NOT pay for. Eagle-eyed store employees stationed at the exits, notified the armed security team, who detained the subject under orders of section 4503 of the Maricopa county […]
Fillmore, CA- Chad Williamson (43), is locked up in Ventura County jail after his 3 children were hospitalized overnight following a weekend alone with their father. Due to the ages of the children (8, 10, and 12), their identities will remain protected. The mother, Melissa Williamson (39), took her three […]
Ojai, CA- Craig Miller (38), was arrested by a Ventura County Sheriff’s Deputy after another man was sent to the hospital in anaphylactic shock as a result of Miller’s peanut butter covered hands. Miller and the victim, Leonardo Aumundson (33), had gotten into a kerfuffle over Miller’s insistence on handing […]
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