“I yanked as hard as I could. I yanked until I ripped his cheating balls off!”
Los Angeles, California- Jessica Smith was brought into custody after a man arrived at a hospital without his balls named her as the culprit. Shocked emergency room workers worked hard to stop the bleeding. “I’ve seen lots of crazy things; dildo’s and gerbil’s up the ass, screwdrivers in the head, a broom through the chest, but this is the wildest thing I’ve ever witnessed”.
The unnamed man, who was Jessica’s fiancé until the incident, will survive his wounds, but will need hormone replacement therapy for the rest of his life. Jessica accused him of cheating when he caught her talking to another woman, “I was ordering my dinner at a restaurant. She was the fucking waitress. Jessica lost her shit and we got kicked out”.
“I figured it was all over by the time I fell asleep. Next thing I know is I feel an incredible pain, like being kicked in the balls over and over except my fucking sack was gone, balls and all!”
Jessica had waited for him to fall asleep before she set her plan in motion. She wrapped a length of twine around his nuts. She made a nice snug knot and placed herself at a safe distance with the twine still in hand and yanked like she was starting a lawnmower. “Last thing I saw before I passed out was her taking off with my balls.”
Ms. Smith is facing 3 felony counts of assault and faces up to 31 years in prison. Charges will likely be reduced as the accused will not go public with his identity.