Matilda Matherson of Irvine California received quite the shock after opening a strange package that was left on her front porch. Inside the box was a tiny little coffin and in that coffin lay a perfectly preserved human penis. She immediately recognized it as the penis of her ex-husband, Alan Wilson. She had not spoken to him in almost 20 years. ‘How in the world did his penis wind up on my porch?’, she wondered.
Also inside the box was a note for Matilda from her Ex-Husband Alan Wilson, which read; “If You’re reading this, Congratulations I am dead. You once said to me, ‘Your penis is the only good thing about you, too bad it’s attached to a giant piece of shit’. Since you liked my dick so much, I figured you can go ahead and go fuck yourself, bitch.!”
Pissed off and annoyed, Matilda wasn’t sure who to call regarding a penis in a box, so she dialed 911 and EMT’s arrived to collect the penis while a plain clothes police officer arrived to collect the note and confirm the penis’ origins.
After about an hour the officer was able to confirm that Alan Wilson, had in-fact died of natural causes about one week earlier at his home in Palm Springs. As to how his penis was removed, preserved, and found its way to his Ex-wife’s porch is still being investigated.