Biden Calls For Cracker Jacks To Be Removed From All Store Shelves Until They Remove “Cracker” From Their Name


Washington DC- Even though there is a conflict going on across the world, life still goes on in America. President Joe Biden has issued a declaration to all stores across American to remove Cracker Jack’s from their shelves in a show of solidarity against the popcorn snack.

100’s of letters written by concerned teachers and parents reached the President’s desk this week. Biden took their combined message to heart. What was that message? The message was that the term “Cracker” has no place in America any longer. The cries of parents and teachers struck a cord with Biden.

“You must be some kind of stupid if Cracker Jack’s offend you”, concerned citizen.

While the President called for the removal of the snack from all store shelves, it is, at this point, just a request. Formal documents will be signed tomorrow to enact a rarely used law that will provide the necessary governmental power to make it unlawful to sell the product against the wishes of a sitting president.

People have already begun flocking to stores to purchase the last remaining boxes of Cracker Jacks as they are sure to become collectors items. Stay tuned to for updates on this and all other stories that matter most.

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