Houston, TX- Richard “Dick” Lover Johnson (19), is all smiles today after a Harris county judge ruled in his favor in a civil suit he had filed against his parents. Dick Lover has been the butt of jokes his entire life. Friends, family, teachers, and even the clergy have snickered and laughed at his name. Being born to Alan and Ruth Johnson wouldn’t have been so bad if they hadn’t insisted on naming their son Richard Lover. Sadly there were not enlightened enough to know that the nickname for “Richard” is Dick. Having a name like Dick Lover, pretty much set Dick Lover up for a lifetime of humiliation. He went to 5 different high schools to try and avoid the heckling of peers.
After getting laughed at during a job interview for a prestigious position within one of the states most successful oil and gas companies, Dick Lover knew he had get back at his parents for all the heartache he had endured due to their ignorance in naming him. He was going to hit them where it hurt, in their pocketbooks.
“You are two of the most incompetent parents I have run across in my 30 years as a Judge”, Judge Clifton would say to Alan and Ruth. “You had multiple opportunities to right this wrong before it became an issue. You chose to do nothing while you still had an opportunity to change his name and you invited a lifetime of hardship onto your unwitting son. Therefore it is my judgement that you two acted egregiously and recklessly in filling out your son’s birth certificate. I am awarding Dick Lover the sum of $3 million dollars. Court Adjourned.”, Judge Clifton concluded.
“I’m hoping to start fresh away from this miserable life they created for me. The 3 million is a good start at rectifying the wrongs done to me. The sad thing is that my parents still don’t understand, or are incapable of empathizing with me to this day. Sadly, I have chosen not to contact them again and move on with my life“, Dick Lover Johnson told our reporters.