Man Caught Slapping Liberals In A Mall Parking Lot, Gets Released From Jail After Identifying As A “Non-Binary, Gender Neutral, Slappersexual American Man”.


Lexington KY- A Lexington man has been released from jail earlier this morning after authorities decided to play it safe and release him versus infringing on his civil rights of self-identification. Elliot Jones was brought in late last night after a series of walk-by-slappings perpurtrated by him.

Jones approached people he believed to be liberal, in a popular mall parking lot. He single out individual who’s cars had liberal propaganda adorned on them in the form of bumper or window stickers with leftist slogans. He would casually walk up to these individuals while they were exiting their cars and slap them across the face and move onto the next victim yelling, “Slap slap, liberal bitches! I’m a Slappersexual! It’s okay, I’m just identifying!” and off to the next victim he would go.

Elliot Jones, is a self-identified; Non-Binary, Gender Neutral, Slappersexual American Man. “They wanna identify everything under the sun, well they can identify with the palm of my hand slapping them across their faces, stupid liberal bitches”.

Jones was arrested after a series of calls came in to authorities about a man assaulting liberals in a mall parking lot. Elliot was apprehended without incident. Whilst filling out Jones’ intake paper work, an officer asked him what he identifies as and Elliot told him he was a “Non-Binary, Gender Neutral, Slappersexual American Man”. Not wanting to infringe on this mans right to self-identify, authorities played it safe by just cutting him loose instead of trying to challenge the man’s right to self-identification. 

“This one was a tough one for my officers to handle. The man identified as a Slappersexual. Now I don’t rightly know what the hell that means, but I do know that I ain’t gonna argue about it. I ain’t gonna lose my job and be canceled over infringing his rights. Best let a judge figure it all out.”, Sheriff Roger Abernathy.

This may well end up being a landmark case in front of the supreme court down the line, but for now victims of Jones’ are relying on civil suits to get the justice they are seeking. Stay tuned to for more on this story and the stories that matter most to you!

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