Ed Freese of Ft. Lauderdale, FL was set to close marry his girlfriend Lizzy. That was the plan until a tragic accident involving an alligator left nothing but traces of the man. Ed and Lizzy had been dating for two years when Lizzy decided the two should be married. Ed wasn’t too thrilled with the idea, but he has a bad habit of going along with plans instead of arguing for his feelings. Lizzy by all accounts is an attractive well put together woman. Many feel like Ed shot for the stars and was able to harness one. That’s not how Ed sees it.
After 3 months of dating Ed knew Lizzy was not the one. She was frigid in bed, unless of course if Ed was up for a pegging. She was very domineering and Ed cowered in her wake. So now here he was 2 years into a relationship he knew was wrong after 3 months, a wedding just weeks away and an immense feeling of impending doom. He couldn’t get married, but he also couldn’t mustard the courage to tell Lizzy either. What to do?
And suddenly a thought came to him, “you can’t get married if you’re dead”. A fire was lit under him. All his energy and time went into his plot to get out of marrying Lizzy. He decided on death by alligator for it is hard to track down the correct one to try and extract a body. Ed saved up feces, hair, dead skin, blood and toe nails to plant at the crime scene. He brought all this and his well worm Bass Pro Shop hat to the swamps of Florida. Ed planted the evidence, made a hurried 911 call and got the hell out of Florida.
Lizzy was devastated. It was not often plans of hers didn’t pan out. Not so much sad about his passing as she was pissed he ditched her. Authorities pronounced him dead and he even read his own obituary while relaxing in Montana. One thing he forgot was to ditch his cellphone…
Ed was caught in his lie and spent 3 months in Miami-Dade county jail. He claims the 3 month in the pokey gave him the courage he finally needed to tell Lizzy to fuck off, which he did on the day he was released.
Lizzy refused to our request to contribute her side of the story.
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