Bakersfield, CA- Brandon Parker (33) is in hot water after having his junior college football team ejaculate into their helmets in-front of each other, forcing them wear the soiled helmets for an entire 3 hour practice in 100+ degree weather. The Bakersfield Lightning, lost 60-0 Thursday night and coach Parker couldn’t believe how little fight his team showed.
There had been warnings about his erratic behavior from the previous schools he had worked at, but there were no indications something as despicable as this would transpire. “Coach was yelling at us like I ain’t never seen before. Several of us, including myself, were scared shitless. He can be very intense and intimidating. I wish I could say I put up a fight when he made us take out dicks out and jack off into our helmets, but I did not. None of us did. We did what he told us for fear of what he may do if we did not.”, said an anonymous Bakersfield Lightning player.
Overnight, word leaked of what Coach Parker had made the team do in response to their poor effort on the gridiron. After several brief interviews with players, the Bakersfield P.D. had a warrant issued for Brandon Parker and he was taken into custody without incident. He is facing up to 25 years in prison if convicted of all charges.
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