Mortician Who Had Been Stealing Testicles For Albondigas Soup, Has Been Taken Into Custody.


Houtson TX- A local mortician Stewart Stump had been removing the testicles from men that passed through the funeral home he worked at. Stump would use the balls to make albondigas soup.

This had been going on for years until Stump got careless and dropped a ball. The next morning his boss, Brent Couler, found the testicle by a drain in the ground. He immediately knew what it was and had no idea why it would be loose on the ground like that. They worked at a funeral home not a morgue.

On a hunch Couler checked the bodies of the men in the funeral home coolers and most were missing their balls. The only other person with access to the coolers was Stump. Not wanting to confront Stump, Cooler called local authorities to handle the matter.

At first police thought it was a prank call until they got to the scene and saw all the empty sacks. When stump showed up for work, he was taken in to be questioned by HPD’s finest.

Captain Acevedo tries to explain this sensational case and ran out words. “This is one sick f*ck. That’s about all I have to say on the matter.”

Stump explained himself, “I love albondigas soup and had been dying to find the right meatballs to win a local competition. One day it popped into my head that a testicle may be the best meat ball of all. One day I tested it out and it was AMAZING!”, he goes on, “I figured who would miss the balls? Certainly not the corpses. And I did end up finishing first place in the albondigas soup competition!”

Police sat stunned as they listened to Stump recall all this so nonchalantly. He was taken in for a 72hr psychiatric evaluation while authorities figure out what exactly to charge him with.

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