Trans-Species Man Arrested After Trying To Impregnate A Giraffe At The San Diego Zoo

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Justin Bowers (34) of Palmdale California has been arrested after he broke into the San Diego Zoo’s “Urban Jungle” where the Giraffes are located. Justin has identified as a Giraffe for 3 years now. Sometime in the middle of the night on February 16th Justin broke into the zoo and made his way towards the Urban Jungle exhibit. Desperate to finally feel a part of, he made his way to a tall drink of water called, “Lizzy” whom he had preselected as a mate.

Justin planned on getting Lizzy pregnant and in doing so he imagined that Lizzy and the other giraffes would welcome him into their “Tower” (A group of Giraffes is referred to as a Tower). All his life, people have treated him differently for one reason or the other. Throughout school he was made fun of for his unusually long neck. Justin could often be found staring up at the high, fresh and green leaves of the Acacia trees in wonder, wishing he could reach them. He never understood why he felt this way towards these trees in particular.

It was during the time April The Giraffe was popular that Justin finally understood, he understood that he himself was a giraffe! That would explain his sexual arousal at any news of April giving birth and why he always longed to eat the green leaves of the Acacia tree, which is a well known favorite of giraffes.

“We may have to revert to some old techniques to try and cure Justin of his delusional ways”, an ominous warning from Dr. Larry Warren of Atascadero State Hospital.

Back at the zoo, an eager Justin quietly approached a sleeping Lizzy. He dropped his pants and proceeded to enter the female giraffe from the back. Startled at being penetrated, Lizzy shit herself and got up as quick as she could before running off. Justin was left with his pants around his ankles and giraffe shit all over himself. He cried himself to sleep that night underneath an Acacia tree.

Early the next morning a maintenance man spotting what looked like an animal carcass of some sort in the Urban Jungle. Upon closer inspection he realized it was a man and that man was… sleeping? A zoo extraction team (most zoos have these now after the Harambe incident) was called in to rescue the man. Justin fought hard to stay in the exhibit, but was safely removed after a tranquilizer dart made him more compliant to the extraction teams efforts.

Justin recounted his story that he himself was a Giraffe and belonged with his Giraffe family, “All I wanted to do was get Lizzy pregnant so the rest of the Tower could accept me”. Unfortunately Justin will not be welcomed into Lizzy’s Tower nor will he ever be allowed back at the San Diego Zoo. For the rape of Lizzy, Justin will spend 10 years in a mental hospital where he can be closely supervised. After his time in the hospital, he will spend an additional 5 years in a state penitentiary for his other crimes that night.

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