Tallahassee, FL- Fred Slynt aged 57 was caught in his double wide at the trailer park hours after running away from an intersection where he had just shat on dozens cars. “Slynt was causing havoc at every red light”, authorities would later say. “I had my sunroof open to enjoy the nice day and out of nowhere a runny shit lands on my shoulder”, said one victim.
A trail of shit led from the left turn lane to his locale. Slynt was caught brown handed hiding in his double wide. He tried to pretend he didn’t know anything about the incident, but the smell and shit stained clothes gave him away. Upon inspection of Slynt’s person, a quick footed officer noted the shape and size of the corn from the crime scene was consistent with the corn found attached to Slynt’s butt hairs.
Janos claims he was seeking retribution for all the assholes who he comes into contact with as a Walmart greeter. “People shit on me all day. I decided it was time to fight back and show all of Florida that this Florida Man will no longer be taking shit, but instead I will be the shitter! The Great Shit Commander”. Slynt is being held on $50,000 bond while he awaits his trail. He is being housed alone as he is a “shit flinging threat”.